We've been together as a family now for nine days. We've been together as a family, in our own home, settling in for six days. And tomorrow, Andy goes back to work. I'm terrified. Andy has done so much. We've tag teamed it- me with Eloise and him with Vaughn. We've divided and conquered- me to the grocery store, him to the doctor with the kids. He's taken them out countless times and even now, he has taken them both for a walk so I can take a shower and vacuum the floors. And tomorrow, I am on my own. With two kids. I'm outnumbered right away and while Eloise will do almost anything, Vaughn is not so easily placated. He likes action and movement and when his world falls apart (as it does about once a day) the whole world stops and the thing he needs more than anything is to cry and have me just sit there and talk to him and rub his back.
I don't really have a plan yet, which is part of the problem. We do have a loose schedule and for six days now the same things happen at approximately the same times and the kids already know it, so that really helps. But the in-between times are the times I am most worried about. I know when we get up and what we do for the first hour of the day and I know when they nap, and I know when we eat dinner and I know when we go to bed, but what do we do between breakfast clean up and snack time? And what happens if I fall apart at some point during the day? What if I get sick? I don't know what the day will hold, but I really am scared. It's funny because for YEARS what I have thought I wanted was to be a stay-at-home mom and now here I am on the cusp of that reality and all I feel is a paralyzing fear. I am sure it will be fine and just like any transition it will take time, but the day before the leap is really tough. I just don't know if I am ready...and yet I have no choice.
Anyway, I do have a million things to be thankful for. Most notably, when the kids fall apart, neither of them are violent. They are pretty easily amused (even if they do have low attention spans), they are both truly, truly great kids, they both like me (and one of them is particularly fond of me), they have a 2 hour nap time, they both came to us knowing how to clean and pick up and they both love doing those things AND I have the best husband in the world, who, whenever desperately needed will come to the rescue.
If you think of it, pray for me. That which I wished/prayed/hoped for has come upon me and the outcome is unknown :)
2 comments:
I will be praying for you. Always remember if things go south there is ALWAYS the movie option! All good moms use it:) You will do great! You are a blessed MAMA and God is always with you!
Love you
Oh, Celina...How I VIVIDLY remember the Sunday night before Jason went back to work on Monday for the first time after the kids came home. I, too, was terrified and just like you had a loose schedule but wondered what we would do in all those in between times.
But, God gave me this truth:
"His divine power has given us EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3
I CLUNG to the truth that God had given me EVERYTHING I needed to make it through. I trusted Him to come through and He did. I can't even remember how he came through, but I do know He did come through.
I will definitely be praying for you tomorrow!
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