Looking for me?

Friends!
If you are still reading- and I doubt you are. But if you are, I've got a new home on the internet.
Follow along with me at www.notesfromtheneighborhood.com.

Hope to see you there!

Why Growing Families Get Rid of Dogs

Or "Why I'll Stop Judging People Soon"

I am the Judge and Jury on all things, aren't I?
Remember when I talked about introducing my beloved dog to the kids and I went on and on about how "I would never get rid of Wilson!" and "how could people do such a selfish thing?". If I didn't write those words exactly, believe me when I tell you I thought them.

I'm sure you remember reading me as I sat in judgement of those gone before me.  Well, I am here to say that I am an asshole for judging. There. That should cover the contents of this blog, my thoughts and all my conversations heretofore and henceforth.

See, having loved Wilson (one of my BFF's calls my love for animals "fickle"...I don't understand why except maybe because I passed on my cat to her? I felt it was a gift for having tolerated me as a roommate for several years) I could not imagine him being a problem who would require such drastic action as a deployment from our home. Sure, I knew Wilson had some behavior issues, but don't we all? (see above for a small sampling of mine). Nothing I couldn't manage. But then I had 2, then 3 kids and suddenly Wilson's seemingly small behavior issues and needs to meet became the total bane of my existence. I discovered, in the span of a few months why growing families get rid of dogs.
The reason growing families get rid of dogs is this, "If mama ain't happy, nobody's happy".

Now that I understand what happens, I can offer a proper apology for judging you dog-dumpers. I am sorry for judging you. I, too, would like to dump my dog.

Here's what happens: Mama spends all day taking care of the needs of others. She feeds, wakes, loves, holds, comforts, disciplines, drives to school, picks up from school, feeds again, cooks dinner for 5, put to bed, washes dishes and laundry all day and other menial, mundane, but must-do tasks. And the family dog is the straw that breaks the camels back. She just.can't.do.anymore.
When mama finally gets to have a good nights rest and none of the kids wake her up, but the dog does- well, then the dog must go.
When mama finally gets to sit down because the kids are at school and the baby is happily engaged and then the dog has to go outside or he'll ruin your carpet- well then, the dog must go.
When mama finally gets the baby to sleep, but the damn dog wakes him up because the mailman arrives? The.dog.must.go.
When mama finally has the house cleaned up, but the stupid, freaking dog pukes on the floor? THE DOG MUST GO.
When mama finally gets some food cooking and the dog eats it off the counter? THE DAMN STUPID DOG MUST GO.
Mama can only take so much. And me- being of the selfish mama variety, I can really only take so much. The dog is just one more thing for me. One more need to be met. One more thing to clean up after. One more cost. One more burden to bear. One more...... 

Ok, so we're not getting rid of Wilson even though, even though, today our beloved that stupid, stupid dog Wilson ate not 1, not 2, but at least 3 cups of chocolate chips. He had to be taken to the vet to have his stomach pumped and it will cost us a minimum of $200. Even though all of that. The dog will stay. Here's why: I'm the only one who hates him. I'm the only one who's totally and completely put out by the dog and there are 5 people in my family. That vote and my selfishness do not win this argument. (Honestly, not that I've asked about getting rid of him. I truly haven't. It's more that I realize WHY people do what they do).

Eloise loves this dog. Vaughn tolerates him, but enjoys having a playmate and being a caring person, he appreciates that others love Wilson and wants to see him treated fairly. Avett. Avett loves Wilson. Andy loves Wilson. Everyone. Everybody loves Wilson. I have said that from the beginning. Wilson is cute, loving, fun and cuddly. Everyone loves the dog and even though I am selfish (and judgmental, but that doesn't apply here) I'm not selfish enough to hurt my whole family just to not be miserable. I'm glad they love him. I'm glad Eloise always (every single time) says, "Moooommmmm! Don't say Wilson is stupid!" I'm glad Andy still loves to cuddle Wilson like we used to. I'm glad that Vaughn like wrestling with him. I'm glad that one of Avett's first words was "dog" and that he loves to let Wilson lick his hand. I'm glad. And I'm not happy about the damn dog and how he's ruining my life,  but I have a whole family and I realize that from now to eternity I have to consider that. Not to mention the burden of guilt I will bear if we did get rid of him. I won't have him be gone the way of Blue. And no, I won't tell you about what my brother and I did for Blue - but we didn't kill him.

Here's the final message: I never understood why people would get rid of their dogs when they had kids (so I judged them). But now I understand why (and I know I suck for judging).

On an unrelated note: dog for sale.
Just kidding.

My Christmas Miracle(s)

Christmas changed forever for me 3 years ago.
In our quiet little house, on our quiet little street, I let my husband hold me on our quiet little couch while I wept for what might never be. Our African babies were a million miles away and we had no idea when we would get to them because of paperwork delays. I tried for years to conceive. I sat on my couch with no babies and all my hope for babies spent. I wept for what I prayed and strived and hoped for but what I feared I would never have.
Enter the miracle-working, gift-giving, heart-changing God.
Four days later on December 29, I booked my ticket to Africa. Our paperwork had been released!
Five days later on December 30, I found out I was pregnant.
How life can change in the blink of an eye in five days. How the hope-giver can enter into our stories anytime He likes! How He can turn our sorrow into dancing. How...how..how indeed.

This Christmas I looked around at my beautiful babies and I just rejoiced in the great Giver of all good things. What a gift my children are! Between the noise and the wrapping paper I allowed my heart to be settled on Him. The things he has done with the pieces I gave him. I gave Him my hopelessness. My tears. My sadness. And what did He give me? The best gift ever. Truly a miracle of all miracles. Not one baby to dote on, not two, but three! All in one year. He gave me the gift of hope restored.

When Christmas day was done, the noise was over and the wrapping paper recycled, I just counted my blessings. I looked in on them in their beds and thought, "You. You. And You. are the best gifts ever." And I laughed at myself for not enjoying the last quiet Christmas I would have for a long time.

Christmas 2013

Christmas 2014

I know that this Christmas many of my friends spent in sorrow. I have a former coworker in his early forties who just lost his wife a few days before Christmas to an unbearably short battle with cancer. I have another friend who's father passed away on December 23. And another sweet friend had her first Christmas morning without her children because of a divorce earlier in the year.  There are so many who spent their holiday the way I spent that Christmas in 2012. Weeping for a lost love or grieving for what may never be in their lives. I can't offer anything to them except a story of Hope. Not my story of hope, but THE STORY OF HOPE! Everlasting, life changing HOPE. I can't console those who can't conceive. I can't hold those who weep for lost loves. I can only say that He is good. And He's good because His gift to us is everlasting life. I got the gift of answered prayers and I am forever grateful for that, but I know and understand that His gift goes much, much deeper and it's much, much better than the sweet gift I got. Unwrap His promise. It is LIFE.

Merry Christmas to all my friends- near and far. Those who are hurting and those who are rejoicing. Merry Christmas. 

#Paleolife

Since I am busy working on my Lifestyle Blog (ha.ha.ha) I figured I should update you on our lifestyle.

Back in March we did our Whole30 which I documented for you as I tried desperately not to kill someone. After our Whole30 we pretty much decided that we were going to 'keep it up' not necessarily Whole30 style, but the whole grain-free, sugar-free, dairy-free life i.e Paleo. And much to my surprise, we have kept it up. In the 8 months we have been doing this, I can honestly say I have never felt better in my life. In a nutshell, we have cut out all processed foods, dairy, sugar and grain (more on our exceptions later). We have lost a combined total of 100 pounds and the only thing that has gone up in the last 8 months is our grocery bill and our self esteem.
Since I know what most people want to see is before and after pictures, I'll get those out of the way so you can concentrate.  Here is a picture taken just a little bit after we started the Whole30.

 Here is a picture taken in September of our family.

Since September we've probably lost a few more pounds, but at this point they come off slowly. In the beginning when our bodies were adjusting to the new normal, the pounds couldn't come off fast enough. Now they kind of slide off a little at a time.

Now that you can see our results allow me to give you the details.

Cooking & food prep: I can't imagine someone with no time or motivation to cook & prep food would be successful in this lifestyle change. I don't spend a million hours in the kitchen, but I do cook breakfast every morning, reheat lunch, and cook (or prep) dinner every night. The thing is, it's actually easier than what I did before for cooking, because a lot of meals are just simple and only require prep work as opposed to cooking (there's a difference between cooking a meal and prepping a meal). The choices are limited so I don't have to make 5 things. Every night we eat this: meat & veggies. That's it. I know it doesn't sound good and maybe even sounds boring, but we eat some amazing meals. My favorite is spaghetti squash, meatballs and sauce. But we love meatloaf muffins, "fried" chicken, roasted cauliflower, bacon and any vegetable, etc. We like dinner! Once I got used to this lifestyle, shopping for groceries is actually pretty simple. Spices, veggies and meat. I can get in and out of Costco in 20 minutes if I need to. The main problem is that our grocery bill did go up. It's not cheap to eat real food. And the more real food you eat, the 'cleaner' you want your food to be.

Weight loss: As I said, we've lost about 100 lbs together. The Whole30 was the biggest monthly weight loss and it was about 30 lbs for us combined. Since then each month we're a little lighter. My guess is that at about the one year mark we'll plateau and probably not lose any more weight.

Eating out: We don't eat out that much- and that's pretty important given what I am about to tell you about our eating out habits. When we are eating out for "need"- meaning we have to eat out because we don't have time, etc. We almost always eat at Chipotle. We know exactly what we want, we love it and it's not too expensive. We probably do this twice a month. When we are eating out for fun, we eat wherever is 'fun' and we pretty much get what we want. We probably do this once a month. It's our 'exception'. We get dessert if we want, have a couple chips and a nice big drink of alcohol. We enjoy every minute of these exceptions- until we don't. The problem is that every time we do this, I almost always feel bad afterwards. Not emotionally, but physically. I can tell when there is sugar in something that there wasn't supposed to be sugar in. This week, my mom and I went to CPK and we both got salads. They were compliant, except I didn't check the dressing, because I didn't really care, but as soon as we were done, I could totally feel it in my belly that there was sugar in the dressing. My body has adjusted to life without sugar and as much as I love and crave sugar sometimes, I know how bad it is for me given how I feel when I ingest it.

"Cheats": Whole30 talks about how ridiculous it is to use the same term for marital infidelity as for food choices. They talk instead about making 'choices'. We make exceptions all the time, but they are choices we make and we decide before (and sometimes after) if that choice was worth it. For example, I was recently dying for a Costco ice cream. After said ice cream, all I could say was, "dang. that wasn't worth it." And I meant it. I was bloated and felt sick all over, I was practically sweating and I couldn't get the fake sugar taste out of my mouth no matter how much water I drank. But the point is, I made that choice to eat that ice cream and I didn't feel bad emotionally about doing it and I didn't beat myself up and consequently make more shitty choices. I did what I did because I wanted to, I counted the cost for it and then I went back to doing what I knew was best for me. A year ago, if I would have done that, I would have then eaten a box of M&M's, a bag of chips and batch of cookies and a 1/2 gallon of ice cream just try and not feel bad about myself.

Coffee: FYI- long live my daily cup! I didn't drink coffee on the Whole30 and I didn't really miss it. For me, I knew coffee would be something that could trip me up and I didn't want to deal with it. But now I am back on the wagon and DANG, I love coffee. I've had my coffee all kinds of ways on the Paleo life- with steamed coconut milk, a big old hunk of coconut cream, occasionally with heavy cream and even almond milk. But the best cup of coffee in the world is Bulletproof Coffee. Bulletproof is this: espresso, a tablespoon of coconut oil, a tablespoon of unsalted butter and for me a bit of cinnamon all blended in the blender for 30 seconds. It is so creamy and delicious. Basically, Bulletproof is a heaping serving of healthy fat (GOOD FAT IS GOOD!). Between my probiotics and Bulletproof, let me just say I'm a regular girl now.

Overall health: Obviously when you lose a significant amount of weight, it is better for your overall health, but I have a few top health benefits I've experienced on the Paleo Life.
#1 Headaches. I do not get nearly as many headaches. It's actually amazing. I still get them, but not nearly as often and they are not usually as severe as they used to be.
#2 Gut health. I didn't realize it, but I always felt sick. Heavy and sick in my gut. When I didn't (during W30) I realized how "sick" I had been.
#3 Energy. I am amazed how much more energy I have. I used to eat and want to just lay down right away, now I really don't stop moving! 
#4 Cramping. TMI, but I used to get horrible menstrual cramps (don't worry! I'm still a major bitch when I am PMSing!) and now I will get my period and be shocked because I had no warning signs!
#5 Shopping! Ok, it's not health related, but let me tell you. Shopping for medium shirts and size 6 pants is a million times more pleasurable than trying on XL shirts and size 14 pants and being dismayed when they don't fit. For my emotional health, shopping is great.

Overall, I can't tell you how happy we are with our lifestyle. We don't miss anything from before (and if we really, really do- we make a choice to indulge!), we feel great and we look great (can I say that? Because I've never said that before and it feels good!)

This sums it up....

You're probably going to hate me for this and volunteer to pay for my kids counseling. And that's fine. I understand and I'll accept your gracious offer as a gift to future generations. But as you know, I always value transparency as the highest value. 

So here is a story that perfectly sums up my approach to parenting.

The scene: Thanksgiving Day Parade. Vaughn, Eloise and I "tuggled" up on the couch watching the parade.  (Tuggle is Vaughn's word for 'snuggle' which he has never done in his life, but regularly requests we do that on Sunday morning instead of going to church. It's confusing, because he loves church and hates snuggling??)

The conversation: has been droning on for hours. Various topics include the floats, whether cousin Nathan is at the parade, the band that had just played, what we would do if we were in the parade, whether that is snow falling or some special effect, how big the floats are, etc. 

Enter the Harlem Globetrotters. I begin to excitedly explain what they do, since their presentation is limited to the 30 second snippets between commercials*. I carry on about how cool it is, all the tricks they can do and how skilled they are. When my knowledge and excitement for the Harlem Globetrotters has finally expired, I end my explanation. Before I can take a breath, I quickly interrupt myself and turn to Vaughn and say, "And don't say, 'I can do that'."

I suck. I know it though. And I'd rather be a parent that sucks and knows it (because at least I can move on up from that place) than be a parent that sucks and doesn't know it. Because there's no changing that....

*As a side note, one of the funnest and most exhausting things about raising kids who began life in another culture is explaining every cultural symbol, every tradition and everything that their peers grew up with that they have no idea about.

Twelve Months- a year later

So Avett is like 14 years old now, but I figured I needed to follow up on my monthly photo shoots of him and post his one-year photos.

We went to the farm where we get his raw milk and we decided to combine his photo shoot with a family shoot. It was a cold, cold day in September and all in all- it was rough. BUT nothing compares to dropping your daughter in the snow and being peed on during a photo shoot- so this was actually fun.

I had a pinterest board with 8 million ideas for Avett's photo shoot and in the end we only did a couple- but they were the best couple, so I think it all worked out. Without further ado- let's thank Annie Hurley Photography for these awesome pics!

Eleven Months. ELEVEN!

Taking pictures of an eleven month old sitting still is like trying to get a mermaid, a unicorn, Bigfoot and Lochness all in the same room. It ain't happening. Luckily I hired a professional for the one year shoot. Maybe she can help. Or maybe I will give him a mild sedative- I haven't decided.

Anyway, if you want to know a little bit about Avett. I'll tell you.

• He NEVER stops moving
• Sadly, he is not a cuddler, but when he wakes up he does like to be carried around for a while
• He is funny and loves to laugh and entertain
• He loves to eat
• He has dicovered the sand box and LOVES it!
• Definitely a sensory seeker!  (Vaughn is my only sensory avoider)
• He finally is saying "Mama" a little bit
• He loves playing with his toys
• He has taken two continuous steps on a couple of occasions
• Uses all toys as leverage to get higher up. He's grounded from his cart because he just climbs it  

• 

  Loves to open and close anything!

  
  

  

  Smiley guy!

  
  
  
  

  

  Busy. Busy!

  
  

  

  The one shot that is maybe like our other yellow chair shots!

  
  

  

  Now climbing anything near you!

  
  
  
  
  

  

  Loves to be held. Or not.

  
  

  

  What 90% of the shots from this shoot look like: blurred images of a fast moving baby!

A New Season

I realized on the walk home from dropping my kids off at the first day of school that there is no manual for how I am supposed to feel today. On one hand I feel elated; happy that summer is over and we'll have structure and goals. On the other hand I just want to sit down and cry; sad that my babies are gone all day. I feel so emotional at Eloise being in all day Kindergarten. She just got home a year and a half ago and she is already .... gone! Sent to the wolves. I feel so sad for letting her go and yet as we wrestled this summer with the decision to send her all day or half day, I knew- I just knew- that all day was best for her. I'm sure by next week I'll know it's best for me, too, when I'm living the good life getting manicures, shopping at the mall and celebrating my freedom changing Avett's diaper and playing with a one year old all day. But today, it feels lonely. It feels like a loss.

I've always been one to wrestle with change. I tend to suffer at the mention of it, then embrace it fully and enjoy it to the last drop....until the next change. Suffer, embrace, enjoy. Suffer, embrace, enjoy again and again. Today, friends, I'm suffering!

Letting go of babies is HARD! Trusting the world with them is HARD! Knowing that my role in their life changes with every season is HARD! On one hand I want to be everything for them, on the other hand I know the very best thing is for them to grow up and have other people speak into their lives and I love that for them.

Today, I miss those sweet kids. Yesterday, I wanted to drop them off at boarding school. Here is the conversation Eloise and I had last night at dinner:
Eloise: Mom, what does 'pisted off' mean?
Me: Where did you hear that?
Eloise: You said it to me when I was making you angry
Me: Well...
Eloise: Look! I can make a plane with my napkin!

I may have been angry with my kids a few times this summer. But a new season is upon us! Suffer, embrace, enjoy. I think I'm already beginning to feel a little bit better about this.....

2013 First Day Of School:

2014 First Day of School:

My sweet, sweet, son. This boy is life to me. 

He is humble, teachable and kind. I love his heart for God and his ability to take responsibility!

 This. girl. She is amazing! Funny, kind and smart as a whip. She is my laughter and joy!

My sign says, "stays home with the kids, co-owns Shabby Alpaca, washes dishes, diapers and dirty faces & loves being a mom" Avett's sign says, "First day of being like an only child, last days of not being one!" My mom had a momentary heart attack when she thought Avett's sign was an announcement of another baby. God help us all.

Ten Months

I'm so confused.
How did we go from this to this?

I don't know how to say this, but all of the cliches are true. Time is going by at the fastest pace and I can't slow it down. The other day we bought some disposable diapers and apparently they are the same ones we got from the hospital because the scent of these diapers brings me right back to those first days with Avett and honestly, it makes me so sad! Thinking about our (amazing!) hospital and birth experience, those beginning days at home when nothing was expected of me except to take care of this one little life, the early mornings and late nights, and the sweet smell of a newborn. I am 99% sure I don't want another baby, but the smell of those diapers makes me a little shaky. 

My sweet baby says WORDS! 

Baba (bottle)

Wawa (water- his absolute FAVORITE THING!)

Dog (his favorite living thing). He says this every time Wilson barks and of course, whenever he sees any dog (or any animal, for that matter!)

Dada (his favorite human)

and much to my chagrin: Bella (his favorite dog)

He crawls at 100 MPH and walks with assistance. He can stand on his own for about 30 seconds

 

 

He has FIVE teeth

 He loves anything with wheels and anything off-limits

 He claps!

He stands up on everything!

This might be my most favorite photo!

He loves balls

 

And he refuses to say "Mama", but I guess that's what you get for carrying a baby for nine months, birthing him without the use of medicine, having an alien body for at least 6 months (the rest of your life) post partum and then living with spit up on everything you own. No biggie, though. I'm having fun and I wouldn't trade this boy for 1000000 million dollars (or anything else for that matter!)

 

Lessons in Hands Free Parenting

I've spent the last few days practicing my new Hands Free parenting method. I really do think you should all read the book, but when you are finished, you might just feel like the author does absolutely nothing except spend time with her kids and how could you ever live up to this? The tone of the book is for sure not condescending, but I kind of came away thinking about balance. How do you parent Hands Free and still have a life?

So- balance. See, I am one of those crazy moms who believes that kids need time to just play by themselves, mess around, get dirty, break shit for moms to get mad about later, be outside unattended and create chaos with the neighbors. In the spirit of what I call a good childhood, I regularly throw my children outside and tell them not to come back for a set amount of time. And I like that. And when they come back for any reason before the time is up I get mad and yell. "What do you need?"I hiss at them through clenched lips. Even if they come back to use the bathroom. "Use the tree, " I mouth through the locked door. But, with my new desire to really be with my kids I felt kind of conflicted. Like, where is the balance? I want to be with them, but we all need time apart. Today, I got my answer. I spent most of the day intentionally being with my kids: eating our meals together, playing together, walking to swim lessons, and playing games- all of this sans phone attached to my hand. So when afternoon came, I was ready to have a few minutes alone and to pick up the house, so I threw them out. I felt a little guilty, but really, I knew there needed to be some balance and while I didn't quite get how it worked, I knew it was needed. I was processing it as the door closed on their little behinds and then this thought came to me: the Hands Free difference is that you need to be available no matter what.

My opportunity for availability came about 47 seconds later when Eloise came in and said, "Vaughn is sad about sumthin." Instead of rolling my eyes, huffing at the lost time, and storming out to see what was wrong,  I calmly went outside to be with him. I got comfortable in the shade on the concrete stoop and we talked for a while about what he was sad about. Then Eloise had a splinter to be removed on her foot and that took 49 million tears and 97 minutes to remove so there went the time they were supposed to be playing and I was going to have to myself. And you know what? It didn't kill me. In fact, I loved it. Later when we were all inside, I got the sweetest gift ever. Vaughn came up to me and wrapped those little arms around my waist and said, "I just want to hug you." Vaughn NEVER does that. EVER. So, it was worth an entire afternoon on that concrete stoop in the shade with my kids when I could have been wiping down the floors and checking my Facebook.

My second Hands Free lesson is the realization of how precious these days are. First of all, seeing Avett grow so fast makes me realize how quickly this is all going to go by. And that makes me realize how much of Vaughn and Eloise's lives I have missed and that about kills me. Ten million tears for what I have missed in those short lives. I realize that I've missed so much and I just don't want to miss anymore by being distracted, angry and annoyed. I want to enjoy this time. This life. This gift. What a precious gift God has given me by allowing me to mother these kids (all three of them!). Imagine if I spend my years cleaning the glass door instead of stepping through it to live whole heartedly in the miracle that is this life.

I know I will keep messing this up in one way or another, but the thing I'm seeing is that this is a journey and I'm going to miss the mark a hundred times a day but I can aim for the three times I do it right. And maybe those three times will result in a big hug from a kid who doesn't hug or maybe they will result in a kid in high school who comes home and openly shares about her day, but either way, I can aim for the times I get it right- dirty floors and all.

What about you? Are you parenting distractedly? Do you feel guilty for all the times you say, "not now", "maybe later" and "hurry up"? Can you make a small effort everyday to focus on what matters? Pray for me because that's all I'm doing here-one small effort and lots of big grace!

Nine Months Old!

Guys, these months are FLYING by. It is so amazing how fast it all seems to go....
Before Avett turns 10 months or 10 years, I better get these 9 month pictures out for you so you can see how BIG he is getting!

He walks with his little cart.
He can play with a single object for 20 minutes or be bored by 50 toys in 10 seconds.
He sleeps like a champ! Makes life so easy to know two naps a day and a full nights sleep are [almost] guaranteed.
He grabs onto our legs when he wants to be picked up.
He's got two bottom teeth and two top eye teeth.
He's got that perfect flyaway hair.
He's got the BEST smile in the world.
He's captured our hearts.