A New Season

I realized on the walk home from dropping my kids off at the first day of school that there is no manual for how I am supposed to feel today. On one hand I feel elated; happy that summer is over and we'll have structure and goals. On the other hand I just want to sit down and cry; sad that my babies are gone all day. I feel so emotional at Eloise being in all day Kindergarten. She just got home a year and a half ago and she is already .... gone! Sent to the wolves. I feel so sad for letting her go and yet as we wrestled this summer with the decision to send her all day or half day, I knew- I just knew- that all day was best for her. I'm sure by next week I'll know it's best for me, too, when I'm living the good life getting manicures, shopping at the mall and celebrating my freedom changing Avett's diaper and playing with a one year old all day. But today, it feels lonely. It feels like a loss.

I've always been one to wrestle with change. I tend to suffer at the mention of it, then embrace it fully and enjoy it to the last drop....until the next change. Suffer, embrace, enjoy. Suffer, embrace, enjoy again and again. Today, friends, I'm suffering!

Letting go of babies is HARD! Trusting the world with them is HARD! Knowing that my role in their life changes with every season is HARD! On one hand I want to be everything for them, on the other hand I know the very best thing is for them to grow up and have other people speak into their lives and I love that for them.

Today, I miss those sweet kids. Yesterday, I wanted to drop them off at boarding school. Here is the conversation Eloise and I had last night at dinner:
Eloise: Mom, what does 'pisted off' mean?
Me: Where did you hear that?
Eloise: You said it to me when I was making you angry
Me: Well...
Eloise: Look! I can make a plane with my napkin!

I may have been angry with my kids a few times this summer. But a new season is upon us! Suffer, embrace, enjoy. I think I'm already beginning to feel a little bit better about this.....

2013 First Day Of School:

2014 First Day of School:

My sweet, sweet, son. This boy is life to me. 

He is humble, teachable and kind. I love his heart for God and his ability to take responsibility!

 This. girl. She is amazing! Funny, kind and smart as a whip. She is my laughter and joy!

My sign says, "stays home with the kids, co-owns Shabby Alpaca, washes dishes, diapers and dirty faces & loves being a mom" Avett's sign says, "First day of being like an only child, last days of not being one!" My mom had a momentary heart attack when she thought Avett's sign was an announcement of another baby. God help us all.