The Language Barrier

Several people have asked me about the language barrier with our kids. Is it hard? What is it like to have two kids who don't speak English? How do you communicate?

Here is what it is like around our house these days:

Hard(est) Part: When they are upset, I have NO idea what is wrong and they don't have enough language to communicate that to us. For example, today there was an incident I was not in the room for that involved a specific car that the kids tend to fight over. When I went in, it sure looked to me like Vaughn was the guilty party- two cars in hand and Eloise pining over the car. A little struggle ensued and Vaughn broke down (I'm not mentioning here how I handled the situation, we can judge my parenting skills later when my kids are 20  30). I brought him into the kitchen with me and let him cry for a while and then asked him if he wanted to talk about it and he went on for a few minutes in Lingala about what happened and I surmised that....I still had no idea what happened. I just told him I was sorry and gave him another chance to play with the cars. If he had spoken English, I probably would have realized what a jerky mom I was and how I could have handled the situation better because it was probably all Eloise's fault. For now, all is well, but it sure is hard to not be able to bring comfort.

Hard & Funny Part: I know these kids are hilarious because they are always talking to each other and laughing, but I don't know how funny they are just yet. Is it call Comedy Central funny? Or just silly kid funny? It's hard not knowing, but we always get a laugh out of them laughing anyway.

Best Part: Since we are learning how to parent in this crazy adoption journey, it is really great that we can talk right in front of the kids about what we should do in a certain situation. (My friend Danielle told me about this months ago and we are for sure experiencing it here!) For example, one of us will be dealing with something and we might ask, "what do you think I should do here?" and we can talk about it right then and there and make a decision. I guess this is why God made babies with few language skills, so parents can figure it out as they go and luckily, we're getting the same grace here.

Hard Part: Explaining things! Eloise would eat 200 graham crackers a day if I would let her, today instead of just saying "no" all day I tried to explain the concept of rationing. I gave her 6 this morning and said those were for the whole day. Of course, she didn't get it, ate all 6 at breakfast and continued to ask all day and I continued to say "no". But we just have to go on and do what we would do with a child who understood and hope for the best. Also, explaining that Andy was going to work, but that he was coming home was hard and neither of them got it, but I guess this is a time when they will see that every day, Papa comes home.

Hard Part: Discipline! When we have to correct or discipline the kids for something, it is super hard because we don't always know if they get what is going on, but most of the time, we are disciplining them for something we know they know to do or not do. However, you still feel bad because you can't fully communicate the message. "No" means "no" and they definitely get that one so we have a good baseline for correction.

Funny & we better watch it part: Out of the blue the other day, with no context for it, Eloise said, "Oh My Gosh".  The only people this child has been around are me and Andy and I don't think Andy says "oh my gosh". These kids parrot everything we say and most of the time it is so funny and cute, but I know I probably say some things I won't be excited about hearing my kids say, so I guess we better watch it.

Funny part: We are working hard to teach the kids English and one of the avenues for that is manners. So, we'll be at the table and we'll serve some food and we teach them to say "Thank you, Mama". When they burp, we teach them to say, "excuse me." and one of our children is particularly fond of that exchange and works hard to conjure up a burp with every drink so she can say "escuse".

It's pretty fun to see the kids learning and it is encouraging to see growth. I'm sure it will be months before they can communicate emotions, but for now we are working on the basics and they are getting it! The language barrier is hard for sure, but it has some perks and I know before we know it, they will be communicating in English and we will miss hearing their little voices in Lingala.