I'm going to kill my children

Alternate and more appropriate title for this post: Day 1 of the Whole 30. The title I chose though is more appropriate for how I felt today. Everything. e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g my children everyone did made me crazy. I just felt so out of whack and so tired and so bored that I couldn't handle anything. I assume (and pray to God) this will get better. But day 1, day 1 was pretty tough. If you don't know what the Whole 30 is, you can read about it here. It's basically 30 days to change your relationship to food, and heal your gut from all the unhealthy things you've been eating.

So why the Whole 30? The truth is, for most of my life, I've always been at least 20 pounds overweight (I imagine my ideal weight is somewhere between 130-145).  Anyway, sometimes I've been comfortable with my chubbiness and other times I've been totally discontent. After I had Avett, I pretty quickly went back to my 'before' weight, but within the last six months, I have put on another 20 pounds (in addition to the pounds I already had to lose). I have seen it coming for a while now, not in the way I eat- though I know that's awful, but in the way my clothes fit. I kept thinking, "I'll get it together soon, so I am NOT buying clothes another size up!" Now, though, I am at the point where there is no more putting these same clothes on- and THAT is depressing. So instead of being all depressed and letting Ben & Jerry cheer me up, I decided it was time to do something different than what I have been doing and in my internet research this is what I came up with. The whole family got on board so we're all in this together. So here we go...

Day 1: I'm not going to post any pictures of what I ate today like every other Whole 30 blog, because quite frankly none of it was delicious and I am not going to post my before picture, either because I just can't handle all of you who don't see me everyday seeing me like I am today. The bad meals made me realize that my excitement about starting the Whole 30 was that I would still have delicious things to eat, maybe not sugar-sweet-sugar-fat delicious, but delicious in another way. And when nothing was delicious, I knew I needed to strengthen my resolve. I know it will get better- there are a million delicious recipes online and I intend to try at least 80 more of them during these 30 days. As far as truly looking in the mirror, it was depressing. But that's where I am the time to start is now and after a few moments of feeling terrible about where I have gotten myself, I realized that I am on the right track and all I have to do is keep moving forward.

The main things I felt today were: bored, tired, discouraged (when we weighed, measured and took 'before' pictures), and like there was nothing to look forward to (aka dessert). One of the things I gleaned from my extensive reading about the Whole 30 is that in 30 days there is the hope that this will change your relationship to food. Today, I see (again!) that my relationship to food is super emotional. I use food to kill time and inspire hope- super sad to say it, but it's true.

So that's day 1. Here's to the next 29 days. How's your relationship with food? Could you use a Whole 30?