Gains and losses

Today was a day of incredible gains and incredible losses.
Honestly, I did most of the gaining and my kids did most of the losing.

We went to the orphanage today and said "goodbye". I gained a look into their life before us, (a life we will call "before family"), I gained perspective on my children, and I may or may not have gained ringworm ;). My kids, on the other hand, they lost their friends, they lost their "mamas" and their little family groups, they lost the freedom to misbehave because hardly anyone is paying attention, they lost a bed warm with 3-4 other bodies, and they lost the way of life they've come to know.
Through a translator I told them we were coming to say "goodbye" and not to stay and that they were coming home with me, but Eloise was my shadow. No more than 6 inches from me at all times, UNTIL I picked up a little girl who was hanging by my side. The she disappeared. I went and found her and reconnected with her and she didn't leave my side again.
My son on the other hand is Mr. Popularity. The kids love him, the "Mamas" love him, the men love him and he really enjoyed being there. He continued to check in with me at intervals to make sure I was still around, but he was loving showing his camera off and letting friends take photos with it. Seriously, this kid is such a hoot! It was so good for me to see where they come from, how others see them, and to capture photos of people they will soon forget, and to walk them through this "goodbye".

We also spent time with the kids birth mom. Talk about gains and losses. They lost their mother today. Again, I gained perspective and the ability to help them with their story. I asked Miriam lots of questions and I wrote all the answers in our family book (the book I made for the kids with all of our pictures in it; we'll add pictures of Mama Miriam later). I asked her about their birth fathers, about her message to the kids and about her life, her family and her hopes. I had her say "goodbye" to the kids and I captured it on video. She prayed for them and I prayed for her. She made fun of me for being short (shes like 6') and I laughed. We laughed about the kids unique personalities and we dreamt of the future for our children. Before she left I just grabbed her and hugged her neck and cried and thanked her and she thanked me.

The kids held together really well all day. Until.... Bedtime. I know if you have kids you know about this phenomenon. Fine through the hardest moments of the day- laughing, playing and then it comes time for bed and the whole world falls apart. Both of my kids cried and I just held them both and said how proud I was of them and how sorry I was that they lost so much today. I told them what they'd gained today: a new life with a Mama and Papa who will always hold and comfort them, a family, a Wilson, and a Mama who can always help them work through their story- because I've seen it, and incidentally, I wrote it down. I prayed for them and talked them through the next steps. I know what you are thinking, "these kids don't understand any English! Why bother?" They may not understand English but everyone understands the language of the heart. And if you could have seen them settle down and snuggle into me, you'd know they understood every word.

On another note: we're coming home!!! Pray for a smooth exit, good health on the journey, and calm spirits for my kids.