Ready... or not.

I am 100% ready to have this baby and 100% terrified to have this baby.
I completely vacillate from "oh my gosh, let's get him out of there and get on with life!" to "if he can stay in there forever, I will be completely satisfied."

Full term!
37 Weeks + 3 days

I told my friend today that I am honestly more overwhelmed in thinking about birthing and caring for an infant than I ever was in thinking about adopting two kids from Africa. Maybe it's because I had two years to adjust to the thought of two little loves in my house and I've only had 9 months to adjust to the thought of BBB joining us. Maybe it's because I don't mind love paperwork and I thrived off the to-do lists of adoption, whereas with pregnancy my entire body has spent nine months changing without me doing a single thing and now it's preparing to rip open and thrust new life into the world- all with or without me cooperating.

The truth is, I have enjoyed being pregnant. In fact, I've loved it. Especially these last 2 months when I'm very obviously pregnant. My pregnancy has been healthy, I haven't had any complications and while I could list a few minor side effects that were frustrating, I have not dealt with some of the nightmarish stuff I have heard about. And now...my pregnancy is almost over. And truly, that makes me sad. I don't want it to be over. I mean I got pregnant! A dream come true. Maybe in all my dreaming, I only imagined the first part and forgot that getting pregnant means having a baby. And caring for a baby. Maybe I'm terrified of one more change. I mean, we've settled, the Baldwins, have. We're perfect with V&E and Wilson and maybe I'm terrified of what it means to unsettle us. It took us 8 months to get here and now we're going to shake it all up. It's kind of like getting married. I spent years dreaming of getting married and forgot that a wedding means a life long marriage.

On the other hand: we're going to have a BABY! And in nine million ways, I couldn't be more thrilled.  We can't wait to meet our little one and we realize every day how incredibly blessed we are to have been chosen to be his parents. We can't wait to begin a new season with three little lives to shape and mold. And we can't wait to find the new normal and breathe again.....

Stay tuned for BBB's birth announcement in the next few weeks as well as the complete birth story- maybe :)